Why So Alone?

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Have you ever felt like no matter where you are your invisible to everyone else; so alone.  Now that I think about it, right now I’m reading a book called Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. What I don’t understand is why do we have those lonely days, where we feel as though no one wants us; sometimes they can last longer than just one day–at least for me they do.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed but whatever I’m feeling one day, I attribute that emotion to a genre of music. People have asked me, “What’s your favorite type of music to listen to?”  I replied–and will always reply–that it depends on my mood of a certain day that attributes to what I feel like listening to. I’ve had days where I’m so overpowered by a genre of music that I will immediately start to look around for instruments that I can play on to imagine myself being really good at them; to appease my emotional cravings. It’s those moments where I know what music really is and what it does to a person who lets them self be the music. When I listen to music I am never alone because it tells me that there is someone else who feels the same way as I do. Even then, I still wish that I could share my love and appreciation for music with a friend that I can count on.

I do feel alone most of the time. At school there isn’t anyone who goes to look for me to spend time with me. I see others that have best friends that never leave their side; together no matter what. When I was in middle school I had a best friend, Max Underwood, and he was the one person that ever treated me like a true friend. When we became freshman in high school we lost communication, breaking our touch. However, I welcome loneliness, without it I wouldn’t be able to practice my trumpet with concentration or study for AP Classes. With these professional goals on my mind consuming all my time, they distract me from my physical solitude. This song is another one of a collection of Jazz songs by the great Michael Bublé that speaks from the heart.


Yo Soy EL Mariachi

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“El Mariachi”, that’s my nickname. I don’t know if you guys have ever seen the movie Desperado, or Once Upon a Time in México before, but the protagonist, Antonio Banderas, “El Mariachi”, is a guitar player trying to start his life again as a mariachi. Other people only call me by that name in my Spanish class though; I wish they called me that outside of the classroom. No, instead they call me E-man in the outside world.  Since my participation in high school is coming to an end, I only hope I can leave with other students knowing who I really am, a dedicated, hard working, ambitious student, a trumpet player, and a loyal and trustworthy friend. If I was to describe myself in one word it would have to be ambitious. Why ambitious? I have noticed that although I don’t manage my time wisely all the time, I still get my work done, and I do have grand plans for myself that I hope to fulfill in my future. Still, there is a saying that says, “If you don’t do what you want today, you will wake up one morning and find that there isn’t any time left to do what you wanted”, something like that.

These times that are passing by me too quickly are scary. I haven’t exactly decided on a major yet between Aerospace Engineer and Trumpet performance, which is stressing me out so much. That’s why I need this Spring Break badly to get all the things going on in my mind straightened out and to maybe get a little time to just relax for a change.  


I Care, am I the only One?

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What’s going on guys? Today was a long, and of coarse tiring, day in the life of Emmanuel. (Just throwing it out there) I sleep every night for about 4.5-5 hours. I’m not saying that I’m the only one who gets this much sleep, but, oh man, sleep is really trying to get at me all the time! We’re all busy, I know, but when it comes down to work, getting stuff done right I feel like I am the only one who strives to grasp all the knowledge that my teachers give us every day. In my AP classes this isn’t a problem, only in my 2 regular classes I’m with a group of lazy, rude, slack offs who just want to walk out the door. It’s funny how they talk about being over school when they pride themselves with the college they are “going to” assist in the future. What is college? Oh that’s right, school!! Aside from my crammed life I recently returned to listening to Bryan Adams, one of my favorite artists of all time. I picked out this certain song because he says beautiful things about this girl that he loves, and always will love, that relates to my life right now as well. I like this one girl that I’m friends with, but I’m not going to ask her out for a few reasons. Right now in high school there is less than 2 people that I know who don’t care or aren’t mature about relationships.  I know, since it’s high school, it’s a game. A roller coaster of  emotions. Hey,  I just realized that this idea is similar to the protagonist in 1984, Winston, when he is in a fascist society where thoughts are dictated by the Party and the Thought Police. He as well loves a woman for love, which is no allowed in Oceania to have an emotional reaction to anything. “Please forgive me, if I can’t stop loving you…”

(I’m) Not The Only One

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Hey guys, how was your week? I hope it was better than mine, since mine wasn’t too hot. The big thing that killed me and the rest of my week was when I had Jazz Band practice for my school I went in excited with my mind open and ready to learn; although still a bit nervous. The reason I was nervous is because we have this new song we’re practicing right now called Count Bubbas Revenge by the Big Phat Band. Bottom line, it’s a hard song. Manageable, but still hard. Plus we’re all busy, especially as a senior in high school reaching the last 3 months of school I’m starting to freak out a bit, and I haven’t practiced the piece too much. So what happened was all the students showed up to practice, warmed up for 15 min, then I noticed that Mr. Mathews hadn’t showed up yet–since he’s our leader. Well now that we were already 15 minutes into practice I told myself what the heck, I’m a leader too so I’ll get the practice moving along until he shows up. So I led us through our first piece, my favorite piece we play, called In a Sentimental Mood. I love playing this song because it’s a very intimate smooth Jazz song that just flows with the whole ensemble. Plus I love when the the drummer, Steven (my drummer for Operation Jazz as well), uses fan sticks. If you have never heard or seen fan sticks used before by a drummer,  you should look into it, the idea of using them is to soften the volume by “scratching” the snare head with the fan sticks creating the continuation of “white noise”.  The other day when I found this video by the HIT RECORD production Co. it motivated me to cheer up and keep moving forward, because I’m not the only one who has off days. The main point of my bad day was I got yelled at a few times for rushing and playing wrong partials in the music which don’t sound well. After being yelled at many times I was now afraid to play, fearing that no matter what I played it would always be wrong. The only thing I can do is try to practice during the week in my very packed schedule. I’m starting to see an unfortunate cycle. I will strive to change it to better my school habits. Remember you’re not the only one.

Do it With Style

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I just wanted to share this video of a Jazz trumpet player jamming because it is a big passion and influence in my life that I wanted to share. Once someone asked me  if I had a motto, what would it be. I never really thought about having a motto before in my life, but after really thinking about it, I came up with “do it with style”. This amazing trumpet player is Josh Shpek, he won the award for best jazz solo performer in 2012. He and I both share a common desire to play in a jazz ensemble that just rocks the house, which brings me to my innovation project;  Operation Jazz.  To be honest, right now my jazz group is becoming so bland. I need to get these guys into the excitement and mentality of why we made this group in the first place. Truth be told, they forget that we meet every Monday after school 3-4:30. I’m flexible when they need to skip a day due to appointments, a family plan, or because of another activity. Not just because they forgot. I remember when I saw the movie The Mambo Kings I remember the two brothers making it to the top of the Mambo world through thick and thin, but always together. What they had was style, whatever they played, and were dressed in, it all had a style.

My Heart of Darkness

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I don’t really want to be the guy who complains about his girl problems, but I need to get it off my chest. When I meet a seemingly nice all around girl everything flows alright in the beginning. Then when I ask her if she wants to hang out over the weekend the result is that: they say the don’t like to go out (and have fun), they just got a boyfriend yesterday, she might be out of town, she has “a lot” of “homework”, their parents won’t let them, or simply no.  Why is it that all the girls I meet and want to be with end up playing me the fool? They play around with my feelings when I’m being serious. This lost cause is beginning to form a Heart of Darkness in me that it’s starting to be difficult for me to see life through my old lens. The lens I once had freshman year where everyone was your friend, no one cared about having a boyfriend or girlfriend because we were too busy working hard and enjoying our days! I miss that lens, the new shows reality naked for what it is. It’s mean, backstabbing, lying, unfriendly, lonesome, and desperate. I was planning on going to formal dances at our school with a “date”, but now that I see the truth of it all, maybe I’ll reconsider; that side’s looking pretty good right now. Homecoming was one of the worst experiences ever last year, I won’t say what happened, all you know is that I had an awful time with no date, some good friends, not most. It’s not the reality of life that has caused me to change, believe me I know the reality of life in most places far away, it’s the other side of high school that I really hate; I’m sure we all do. When I did find the perfect girl it turns out that I can’t have her, she is too young my parents said to me. Wow so close yet so far away.  This song is one of my favorite by REO Speedwagon, a group from the 80s, hope you like it. The thing about music is when it hits you, you feel no pain.    


Danger Zone

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Tom Cruise is an awesome actor, am I right? I saw the movie Top Gun a little while back and the song Danger Zone by ….is so exhilarating by the way the drums push the song. Speaking of danger zones, the song reminded me of one of the themes of this book I’m reading right now called Heart of Darkness. It all starts when the protagonist, Charlie Marlow, tells a story of the time he embarked on a journey to the Congo to work for a trading Co. that wasn’t so humane as we would like to think. Charlie Marlow is on his way, as it seems from his detailed imagery, to the “Danger Zone”. When he “enlisted” to be part of a crew to sail to the Congo he felt, “not hesitant, but a startled pause”, wondering if he was part of some sort of secret scam that has been going on for a while. This song is a great one to listen to especially if you are an 80’s fan; like me.